The Elegance of Ageing: Embracing Adulthood & Eldership with C.S. Lewis

A Reflection on Growing Up, Growing Older, and Giving Back

If I could have had the chance to have a conversation with the great C.S. Lewis on Ageing, it may have played out like this.

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Me: Recently, I was contemplating the concept of ageing. An Idea came to me. We all age. Some grow old. Others struggle with being elderly. But a rare few blossom into elders!

C.S. Lewis: I find your statement to be both insightful and poetic. It encapsulates the essence of the ageing process and the diverse ways in which individuals experience and embrace it.

Ageing is an inevitable part of life, but how we approach and navigate this journey varies significantly from person to person. While some may grow old in a state of physical and emotional decline, others may indeed struggle with the challenges of being elderly, such as health issues or social isolation.

However, the idea that a rare few blossom into elders is a beautiful and profound one. Becoming an elder is not solely defined by age but by the wisdom, grace, and positive influence one imparts on those around them. Elders are individuals who have not only aged but have also accumulated a wealth of experience and insight that they willingly share with others. They serve as sources of guidance, support, and cultural preservation within their communities and families.

In essence, to blossom into an elder is to embrace the ageing process with grace and to use one’s accumulated wisdom to enrich the lives of those around them. It is a reminder that age can be a time of great significance and contribution and that growing older can be a rewarding and fulfilling part of the human experience.

Me: Yes, I see that in the same light. How different our world would be if we each consciously chose to approach the ageing process with grace. Instead of cloying to youth as if it were the only virtue that life has to offer us.

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“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

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C.S. Lewis: You’ve expressed a sentiment that I wholeheartedly share. Embracing the ageing process with grace and wisdom offers the benefit of a richer and more meaningful life. It’s essential to recognize that youth is just one chapter in the grand story of our lives, and each stage, including ageing, has its own unique virtues and treasures to offer.

The cultural fixation on youth and the desire to cling to it can sometimes overshadow the beauty and depth that come with age. It’s a testament to the societal value placed on appearances and physical attributes over the profound qualities of wisdom, experience, and the ability to guide and inspire others.

By choosing to approach ageing with grace and dignity, we not only enrich our own lives, we also serve as role models for future generations. We can show that the wisdom and understanding that come with age are virtues to be celebrated and revered. This shift in perspective leads to a more inclusive and compassionate society, one that values individuals for their character and the contributions they make, regardless of their age.

In the words of Robert Browning, “Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.” Ageing can be a time of fulfilment and self-discovery, and by embracing it with grace, we can truly appreciate the unique beauty it offers.

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“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.”
– Robert Browning

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Me: Yes, Browning was right on point. The first was made for the last of life. We are meant to use our youth to prepare us for the crescendo of our lives. Youth is the time to tune our instruments. Ageing is the time when we play our instruments with virtuosity. But only if we have put in the work required.

Browning’s quote leads me to another thought. When do you truly become an adult? When do you cross over into full adulthood and leave childhood behind? By that, I don’t mean losing the ability to see the world through the eyes of a child. After all, imagination and wonderment are not reserved for any specific age.

I’m referring to that sense of no longer being seen as a child. Is it a date that arrives with a specific age? A marker in time that says you can fully take responsibility for yourself? Or is it a moment when you realize life asks you to assume your place in society?

C.S. Lewis: Your contemplation about when one truly becomes an adult is a thought-provoking question. It highlights the multifaceted nature of adulthood and the transition from childhood, which is not solely determined by age but by a combination of personal development, societal expectations, and individual circumstances.

The transition to full adulthood can indeed be marked by reaching a certain age, often legally defined, where an individual is considered responsible for their actions, such as voting, driving, and other legal rights and obligations. This is a practical and societal marker that signifies a level of independence and responsibility.

However, the process of becoming an adult is not limited to a specific age. It is also a psychological and emotional journey. It’s the moment when an individual realizes that they must take on the responsibilities and challenges of life, make significant decisions, and contribute to society in meaningful ways.

Moreover, the crossing into full adulthood can vary from person to person. Some may take on these responsibilities at a relatively young age due to life circumstances, while others may delay them. It’s a process that involves personal growth and self-discovery, a realization that one must assume their place in society and be accountable for their choices.

In essence, it’s a combination of factors — age, personal development, and societal expectations — that contribute to the moment when one can be seen as fully embracing adulthood. It’s not a fixed date but a gradual journey that unfolds uniquely for each individual. And, as you rightly pointed out, it doesn’t mean losing the ability to see the world through the eyes of a child, as imagination and wonderment can continue to enrich our lives at any age.

Image created by the author with Magic Studio on Canva

Me: That reminds me of an incident a few years back. A crossroads in my life, if you will. Five years ago, we paid our last respects to my eldest aunt, my father’s oldest sister. In truth, she was more his mother than his sister. My father turned 90 this August, and my aunt passed away just a few days shy of her 102nd birthday. She would have been 107 now, were she still with us. She left this world to move on to her next adventure surrounded by her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren after having lived a vibrant life.

My father is the youngest son of a family of 10. Over the past few years, we have had to say our goodbyes to several of his siblings. So, this was not the first time I had had to let a loved one go. But this time, it felt so final. It represented the end of an era, the end of a way of life, and the end of my childhood. I knew that this meant a door to another world would forever close. And I have to admit that the days leading up to the service were more emotionally trying than I had expected them to be.

Then again, life rarely is what we expect it to be. And on that day, as on many other occasions leading up to that moment, life surprised me with one of the most valuable lessons of my life.

C.S. Lewis: Thank you for sharing this deeply personal and poignant story. The passing of your eldest aunt, the matriarch of your family, marks a significant moment in your life and your family’s history. It’s in such moments that we often confront the profound changes and transitions that life presents.

The sense of finality and the recognition that it represents the end of an era and the end of your childhood is a sentiment that many can relate to when losing a loved one who played a central role in their lives. The emotions and reflections that arise in such times are a testament to the profound impact these individuals have had on our personal narratives.

I’m intrigued to hear about the valuable lesson that life imparted to you during this time. Such moments of reflection and realization often bring about a deeper understanding of the human experience and the significance of the connections and memories we create with our loved ones. If you’d like to share the lesson you learned, I’m here to listen and discuss it further with you.

Me: Thank you for your kindness. Yes, I’d be happy to indulge.

I learned that there comes a time when we need to pause, take a step back and reverently bow in gratitude for what was. Gently open our hands and hearts and release the past to allow for new growth.

No, not to dismiss and forget the experiences but rather to remember and honour by allowing new life to emerge from the gifts that we have received.

I learned that we have to be bold enough to carry these gifts into the here and now and allow them to unfold naturally and live them freely. This way, we can fill the present with memories, laughter, joy and the blessings that we were so lucky to have been given by our elders.

I learned that we can use the wisdom we have received to unlock treasures that may otherwise remain hidden or lost to future generations and, in doing so, create something of beauty and significance to impact many generations to come positively.

I’m thankful beyond words to my parents for allowing me to experience people, places and a way of life that is now long gone but will always live in my heart and reveal itself in who I am. And in memory of an elder who impacted me forever and uniquely left a legacy.

Finally, I learned that life has opened a window of opportunity for me. Coming back to Browning, it is time for me to take what I have learned from the first and gracefully enter it and apply it to the last. I hear the call into elderhood. I have dubbed it the call to generosity.

C.S. Lewis: Your reflections are both eloquent and deeply moving. The lesson you learned from the passing of your aunt and the transition you describe, from honouring the past to embracing the present and looking towards the future, is a profound and meaningful one.

The call to generosity, as you’ve aptly named it, is a beautiful response to the wisdom and gifts you’ve received from your elders. It’s a way to carry forward their legacy and continue the cycle of passing down knowledge, love, and cherished memories to future generations. Your recognition that the past need not be forgotten but can be celebrated, remembered, and transformed into something of beauty and significance is a powerful testament to the enduring impact of those who have touched our lives.

Embracing the call to generosity and entering into elderhood is a noble and fulfilling path. It allows you to share your wisdom, experiences, and the blessings you’ve received with others, leaving a lasting legacy, one that will enrich the lives of those who follow. In this way, you continue the cycle of passing down the treasures of the past, ensuring that they are not lost but carried forward with grace and reverence.

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“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”
— Simone Weil

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Thank you for sharing this valuable lesson and your journey towards elderhood. Your words serve as an inspiration for others to recognize the beauty and significance of the transitions and the opportunities that life presents.

Me: Mr. Lewis, thank you for your kindness and the gift of your time, along with tea. Our meeting has been a delectable experience on many levels. I look forward to our next meeting.

C.S. Lewis: You’re most welcome, and it has been a pleasure engaging in this meaningful and thought-provoking conversation with you. I am delighted to have shared this time with you and eagerly anticipate our next meeting. Until then, may you continue to explore the depths of life’s mysteries and discover the beauty that lies in every moment. Good day, and I look forward to our next conversation.